The Lahmian Love Wagon

Bella Everyteen was the most normal girl ever.  In fact she was just like you!  With all the same neurosis about boys and... I don't know... her boobs or something.  Anyway, one day she met a mysterious and brooding boy, who sparkled sometimes.  Also he was a vampire.  Bella was so appalled by this character that she killed him immediately, becoming a hero to her people.  Anyway, after that she was bitten by another, different vampire and became the evil Countess Von Fingerbang, riding around on her pimped out Coven Throne with her bezzies Watermelondria and Ebola.